Let's Give This Another Try

If you would have asked me a year ago what I thought I'd be doing a year from now, it probably would have been something like "I hope I'm sleeping" or "I better freaking be sleeping!" since I was so sleep deprived a year ago.  Well, I'm not sleeping but my two precious babes are!   I'm not the most eloquent writer, in fact I'm probably terrible at it, but I know if I ever want to remember these days and moments I need to start writing it all down.  I wish I would have been better about that during the first year of my kids' lives.  Alas, here I am with the first year under my belt and nothing really documented.  I figure now's as good a time as any to give the ol' blogging another try since I'm many memories to share and many more to make!

It's naive of me to think I'll have time to jot it all down everyday so I'll go ahead and let myself off the hook for that.  My goal is to write at least 3 times a week whether it's to recap the day's events or to share some funny story of what one or both of the kids did.  I know it won't be easy, it'll probably feel impossible at first but it's something I want to do and frankly need to do for myself.  So let's start there...doing something for myself.

Lately I've been feeling...I guess one could say...out of it.  I haven't really felt like myself.  To give you some context, today is a Thursday.  Thursday's typically are fairly laid back since I don't work on Thursdays.  Not today.  It was packed with stuff, at least stuff that isn't in our normal routine.  The short version is I was tasked to volunteer for my MOPS group in one of the classrooms, the kids and I had a chiropractor appointment and then we met Matt for dinner.  It was on my drive home from dinner that I had a moment where I thought, "what's my purpose?  Who am I really? What makes me ME?"  The immediate answer I found was, "I don't know."  Someday's I simply feel like a robot going from one task to the next, doing it all the same way as it was done the day before.  There's no real joy in getting things done, no sense of accomplishment.  Then there are days where I feel like I've conquered the world and I should be named Mommy Of The Year.  Those days I feel joy in the things I get accomplished.  They seem to be few and far between though.

I guess I've never really known my purpose in life.  I'm a daughter, a sister, a friend, now a wife and mother. I am happy to be all of those things but sometimes it doesn't feel like enough.  My real question is I guess, "what am I called to do or to be?"  I hope to be able to answer that question soon.